Happy Halloween to you all! Hope everyone can enjoy some pumpkin carving-chocolate eating-dressing up-fun today!
It is an EXTRA special Halloween this year. Why do you ask? Well…Last year on this day, I moved home during my 4th year of University. My eating disorder had taken over and I had become very sick. My anxiety levels were THROUGH THE ROOF and my blood work was displaying deficiencies indicative of starvation. I was in ROUGH shape, to say the very least.
But this Halloween??? I am energized, happy and most of all HEALTHY. I am nourishing my body and have gained a significant amount of weight since last Halloween. And my body thanks me for it.
I find myself very reflective today…It’s so surreal to think back to how my life was a year ago and how it could have been if I continued on and not decided to make a change. Without a drastic overhaul…well, we won’t even go there. No matter how many doctors are treating you, or how many therapists you’re seeing, unless YOU decide to make a change, you will never be well. It is up to YOU and no one else. They can steer you on the path to recovery and provide you with the necessary tools needed to help you get there, but ultimately it’s all you driving the ship. You have to save your own life. This is the MOST TERRIFYING (as well as powerful) thing about an eating disorder. No one can do it for you. Your family can beg and plead with you, but unless YOU decide, it ain’t happening, no matter how many doctors/therapists/nutritionists are treating you. Having said that, however, even though it is terrifying, it’s also very empowering- especially for someone who needs to be in control. It is all you! You don’t need to depend on anyone else to get better- just YOU! And that’s very powerful.
I look at how my life has made a complete 180* since last year on this day. I was not nourishing my body, I was always alone, I hated having to leave my room and I lived in my head. Now? I am NEVER alone. I’m always hanging out with the roomies cooking (!!), watching movies, or just chattin’. It is such an amazing feeling to make the decision to LIVE life! I am challenging my self with new foods practically daily and excited every night to fall sleep, simply to get up and live the next day! Do I still have some tough days? Of course! ED is still present in my mind, but I will fight her till the end. On the days where she’s feeling extra bossy, I put her in her place. I have the amazing support of my family, and friends, not to mention new blog friends, there to guide me and help me get through the rough times.
I just feel all sappy today…I feel like I MADE IT. I made it to my ’1 year recovery anniversary.’ This is a huge milestone for me! Something which seemed completely insurmountable came to fruition in just 12 months. If you’re currently struggling with an eating disorder, disordered eating, self harm or exercise obsession, you CAN get better. You can have the life you’ve always dreamed about. Recovery IS possible. Why put your life on hold for another day?
Why not make today THE DAY to begin the rest of your (healthy) life? When the thought of staying where you are out weighs your fear of recovery or change, I think you know what you need to do.
Alright folks, I will wrap it up for now. In conclusion…
Much love and health,