A Very Happy Halloween!!!

31 Oct

Happy Halloween to you all! Hope everyone can enjoy some pumpkin carving-chocolate eating-dressing up-fun today! :)

It is an EXTRA special Halloween this year. Why do you ask? Well…Last year on this day, I moved home during my 4th year of University. My eating disorder had taken over and I had become very sick. My anxiety levels were THROUGH THE ROOF and my blood work was displaying deficiencies indicative of starvation. I was in ROUGH shape, to say the very least.

But this Halloween??? I am energized, happy and most of all HEALTHY. I am nourishing my body and have gained a significant amount of weight since last Halloween. And my body thanks me for it.

I find myself very reflective today…It’s so surreal to think back to how my life was a year ago and how it could have been if I continued on and not decided to make a change. Without a drastic overhaul…well, we won’t even go there.  No matter how many doctors are treating you, or how many therapists you’re seeing, unless YOU decide to make a change, you will never be well. It is up to YOU and no one else. They can steer you on the path to recovery and provide you with the necessary tools needed to help you get there, but ultimately it’s all you driving the ship. You have to save your own life. This is the MOST TERRIFYING (as well as powerful) thing about an eating disorder. No one can do it for you. Your family can beg and plead with you, but unless YOU decide, it ain’t happening, no matter how many doctors/therapists/nutritionists are treating you. Having said that, however, even though it is terrifying, it’s also very empowering- especially for someone who needs to be in control. It is all you! You don’t need to depend on anyone else to get better- just YOU! And that’s very powerful.

I look at how my life has made a complete 180* since last year on this day. I was not nourishing my body, I was always alone, I hated having to leave my room and I lived in my head. Now? I am NEVER alone. I’m always hanging out with the roomies cooking (!!), watching movies, or just chattin’. ;) It is such an amazing feeling to make the decision to LIVE life! I am challenging my self with new foods practically daily and excited every night to fall sleep, simply to get up and live the next day! Do I still have some tough days? Of course! ED is still present in my mind, but I will fight her till the end. On the days where she’s feeling extra bossy, I put her in her place. ;) I have the amazing support of my family, and friends, not to mention new blog friends, there to guide me and help me get through the rough times.

I just feel all sappy today…I feel like I MADE IT. I made it to my ’1 year recovery anniversary.’ This is a huge milestone for me! Something which seemed completely insurmountable came to fruition in just 12 months. If you’re currently struggling with an eating disorder, disordered eating, self harm or exercise obsession, you CAN get better. You can have the life you’ve always dreamed about. Recovery IS possible. Why put your life on hold for another day?

Why not make today THE DAY to begin the rest of your (healthy) life? When the thought of staying where you are out weighs your fear of recovery or change, I think you know what you need to do.

Alright folks, I will wrap it up for now. In conclusion…

:)

Much love and health,

Lauren xo

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15 Responses to “A Very Happy Halloween!!!”

  1. Mom October 31, 2012 at 7:05 pm #

    Happy First Anniversary my Sweet Baby! You chose beautiful, glorious and yes, at times, challenging imperfect LIFE!! Yahoo!! When I read your posts it is so clear how much work you’ve done, how far you’ve come. I think of all you might have missed had you not made the decision to live your life. You are an inspiration in times of adversity, you are the ground under your feet, you are the calm in times of unrest. Let your greatest trials be your greatest triumphs! YOU DID IT! I love you so.

    Mom oxox

    • thehomeostaticmindset October 31, 2012 at 7:09 pm #

      WOW…I love you so much! I could NEVER, EVER, EVER have gotten to this place without you supporting me every step of the way! <3 xoxo

  2. Chelsie @ Balance, Not Scale October 31, 2012 at 11:20 pm #

    First of all … Lauren’s Momma, your comment is absolutely adorable and I couldn’t have said it better. Your daughter has become my northern star — a brilliantly shining light who I can always count on to point me in the right direction. You’ve raised a truly beautiful soul, and I’m ever so grateful to you for bringing her into the world so she could be brought into my life. <3

    And to my lovely Lauren — Happy anniversary my dear. I'm going to be selfish for two seconds and say that I'm infinitely glad that you chose life. Had you not, my life would be different, because I wouldn't have you in it. <3 I hope to be there to celebrate your golden (and even your diamond!!) anniversary with you.
    This post was so moving and you're so right. We need to make the choice. And we need to continue to make the choices. Every single second of every moment of every day. Lives are not handed to us, they are built on pillars of strength with a foundation of love, walls of friends and family to hug us tight, windows to see the light, and introspection as a roof to keep us contained. Imagination is our skylight. You have built your house, and over the course of the coming years, you will maintain it, make a few additions, tear down a few walls, and hopefully never let those windows or that skylight cloud over.
    I love you so much. Thank you for being you!!! xo

    • thehomeostaticmindset October 31, 2012 at 11:57 pm #

      Awwwwwww :) YOU ROCK!!!!! That’s such a beautiful analogy <3 I'm so thankful for my entire journey- I wouldn't change a thing. Even though I had to live in darkness to finally see the light, I'm so proud I made it through and SO happy that I commented on your blog that one random day :) Your support and friendship mean SO much to me! You have taught me so much about recovery and challenged me to kick ED's booty! You are truly one of a kind. Love you, friend! xo

  3. Heather October 31, 2012 at 11:49 pm #

    I LOVE YOU! #hero

    • thehomeostaticmindset October 31, 2012 at 11:58 pm #

      Love you too!!!! I don’t know where I would be without your unconditional support!! Thank you for always being there for me <3

      • Heather November 1, 2012 at 12:23 am #

        You’ve always been there for me when I needed you! Bout time I paid you back. ;)

      • thehomeostaticmindset November 1, 2012 at 12:27 am #

        No pay backs…just friendship :) xo

  4. Amanda @ .running with spoons. November 1, 2012 at 3:46 am #

    Hi Lauren! Just wanted to say hi and thanks for stopping by to comment on my blog because it was how I came about yours and I really love finding others who are so excited about progressing in recovery! I can’t wait to read more :D

    • thehomeostaticmindset November 1, 2012 at 5:43 pm #

      Hey!!! Thanks so much for commenting. I’m kind of in love with your blog :D

  5. jessielovestorun November 1, 2012 at 9:12 am #

    Wow, this post brought the biggest smile to my face. Seeing how you’ve changed your life, and achieved so much within the past year is just wonderful. I barely know you, but I can already tell how strong & confident of a person you are. You are you, and I can only imagine what an inspiration you are to so many, including myself. Continue what your doing girl. Your beauty shines through day in & day out <3

    • thehomeostaticmindset November 1, 2012 at 5:45 pm #

      Aww, thank you so much!!! You are too sweet :) I absolutely love your blog- you are such an inspiration and making such strides!! Keep on doing what you’re doing! I look forward to learning more about your journey <3

      • jessielovestorun November 2, 2012 at 2:42 am #

        I’m pretty sure I’ve already told you this before, but thank you hunnie! You are way to kind <3 I hope you have the most wonderful Friday & weekend!

      • thehomeostaticmindset November 2, 2012 at 2:47 am #

        You too :) <3

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Thankful Thursday #2 — All the Small Things - November 1, 2012

    [...] for my lovely Lauren’s first year anniversary in her recovery!! [...]

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