When ED strikes

2 Dec

You know the feeling…You can be sitting on your couch, trekking along in your recovery,  just watching a movie, or reading a book, when BANG! ED suddenly get all-kinds-of excited…And why does it get excited, you ask? Because ‘it’ realized, yet again, that being skinny would be the greatest thing in the world. You experience a moment of exhilaration at the possibility- all the good things that come along with being thin. Your mind moves at a mile a minute, giddy at the thought. But then… WHAAAA? The true YOU becomes cognizant of these thoughts and dials down that unruly ED. ED lives for the thrill that comes along with restriction. It’s FUN for ED. It’s a euphoria, really. ED LOVES to hurt us. It takes pleasure in it.

The true you must jump in and join the conversation. Put ED in it’s place. Here’s how I like to start:

1) This is a ridiculous thought- and you know it. There is not an ounce of excitement to be found in eating disorders. ZERO.

2) NOTHING, let me repeat, NOTHING good came from being thin. You were physically sick, isolated, anxious/depressed… Not to mention that you scared your family half to death. You had no happiness in your life. No joy. No spark. Everyday was a calculated, rigid, fearful HELL.

3) It won’t be different this time. No matter how much ED tries to tell you that this time you can do it without the anxiety, you’ll do it better, differently- you won’t. Improving on your ED ‘skills’ equals death. Actually, a second time around will likely be MUCH worse. You know what it’s like to be healthier and happier for one. Plus, you may still be dealing with some of the physical ramifications of your ED. A second round will only exacerbate these symptoms, while  simultaneously creating a host of new health problems.

4) You, and I mean the true YOU, has absolutely NO desire to go back there. You know what it was like. You don’t need a refresher course. You love your life how it is now and you know that it will only get better and better. You want a career, a partner, kids. You want to live a happy, fulfilled, healthy life, and you know that doesn’t include your eating disorder.

After going through this list, I’d like to bet that starving yourself no longer sounds very appealing…

Whatever is going on in your life that triggered this outburst from ED- school stress, relationship troubles, financial strain, past traumas/burdens…NONE of these things will change ONE IOTA by starving yourself. You’ll be sick, and they’ll be just as they were when you began your self-destruction.

So please, do yourself a favour. The next ED starts jumping up and down yelling, “LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME,” put it in it’s place. It does not belong in your life.

Much love and health,

Lauren xo

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9 Responses to “When ED strikes”

  1. Alex @ therunwithin December 2, 2012 at 11:14 pm #

    man way to kick some ed ass with this. I love your breakdown of how it tries to trick us, we all know how sneaky ed can be. I remember all these things when I have those moments, those moments of whispering in my ear.

  2. Chelsie @ Balance, Not Scale December 3, 2012 at 12:22 am #

    I was SO close to letting go this week. SO close to crawling into bed and just quitting. Now that I’ve pulled out of it, it frightens me just how close I truly was.
    ED symptoms give me momentary highs, moments that briefly convince me that the end justifies the means. But I am finding, the more I advance through recovery, that I can find highs elsewhere. And those highs are even stronger, even more euphoric, and MUCH less destructive.
    I now have purpose. I now know how to shut down my ED. I have the tools and I have experience putting them into practice. ED hits VERY unexpectedly, but having an action plan not letting it back you too far into that corner of doom helps SOOO much.
    Your brilliance and insight never cease to amaze me. As always, thank you for reminding me just how much I have to live for. <3

    • thehomeostaticmindset December 8, 2012 at 7:07 pm #

      I’m SO glad that you fought so hard this week. It’s weeks like this where we show ourselves just how strong we are and how far we’ve come. AND, after the stress and everything is over, I always realize how crazy it was that I ever wanted to go back there! Keep fighting <3

  3. jessielovestorun December 3, 2012 at 8:41 am #

    So proud of you girl. Love that you didn’t let ED kick your butt, but instead you kicked ED’s butt! You have come such a long way, and you are continuing to show strength & confidence day after day =)

  4. Jenn @BeYOUatBeMe December 10, 2012 at 3:35 pm #

    Great job talking back to ED! It takes strength to speak the truth and not give into the Ed’s lies.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. The New Normal « The Homeostatic Mindset - December 18, 2012

    […] been through enough with me and my eating disorder. Gosh, I think I should re-read some of my old posts and take my own advice on what I should […]

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