How to have an ENTIRELY ‘good’ day

18 Aug

Alrighty internet people…after I wrote my last post I was feeling good. I had quinoa with peanut butter and pumpkin seeds for lunch (don’t ask), meaning that I did not have a salad. Ch-yeahhh. But then dinner time rolls around. And I get anxious. Now, I must have a salad for dinner. Why, you ask? Because I cannot possibly have three hearty, grain/carb-filled meals per day. Duh. So what do I do? Well, I steam some broccoli, chop some veggies and lettuce and have a small salad. I then have a rice cake with hummus and goat’s cheese for something more substantial. Now, before you get all, “OMG, you’re relapsing, that’s not enough for dinnerrrr!!” calm yourself. I am well aware of the fact that what I just mentioned is basically a snack and clearly not a healthy dinner. I AM still battling this flu though, so my appetite is still lower than usual, although better today than it has been the past few days. Moving on. Ok, so I have my ‘snack/dinner’ and then go back to lap-toping (real word). I feel the familiar hunger tickle, but I also feel thirsty so I have some water. And you and I both know that I am simply chugging water in order to dull the hunger. But I drink the water, and the hunger remains. WTF am I suppose to eat? I had toast for breakfast and quinoa for lunch. I’m “not allowed” to have any more grains. And I kind of feel like an apple, but I shouldn’t have all the sugar, carbs, blah blah blah. Plus, I NEED lots of protein to support my immune system when I am sick (another ED rationalization). So what is my genius idea? Let’s make some sort of f%$king protein paste with protein powder, almond milk, greek yogurt and almond butter- that has a TON of protein, will silence the hunger and has only a small amount of carbs. Genius.

So, I just ate my stupid protein paste. And I feel mad. Why didn’t I just have what I wanted? I was having such a ‘good day,’ fighting the ED thoughts and then I just have to go and do this. I guess I’m probably being too hard on myself. I should instead look at the fact that I had toast for breakfast (yay!), make that 2 pieces (double yay!), and quinoa (aka, grains, err, pseudograins…whatever #longhairdontcare) for lunch. BOOM. But instead, I focus on this moment. This is the part of recovery that is hard. Having a ENTIRELY ‘good’ day. Often times when we fight ED earlier in the day, we modify our behaviour later on in that same day to compensate. The ED is still winning when we do this. It still has control. I don’t want it to have control and tell me I cannot eat what I crave. Was I craving f&%king protein paste? NO. My new goal: Go an ENTIRE day, fighting ED, and not modifying my behaviour as the day goes on. Go with what my body wants. Geez, I need to listen to my own advice. Body, FTW!!! Let’s all repeat this so that it gets drilled into my brain. Okeebye.

Much love and health,

Lauren xo

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6 Responses to “How to have an ENTIRELY ‘good’ day”

  1. lynn August 23, 2012 at 1:18 am #

    Hey! I just wanted to let you know how much I’ve related to these posts! You’re able to put into words things that I’ve felt but could never really articulate. Thank you so much!

    • thehomeostaticmindset August 25, 2012 at 1:49 pm #

      WOW. This comment means so much to me ๐Ÿ™‚ Thank you so much for reading xo

  2. Leana October 3, 2012 at 9:55 pm #

    Your blog is amazing! I 100% relate to it all. You’ve really inspired me; I’ve been recovering from my ED’s & have come sooo far but am now at that “healthy” weight that comes with so much self criticism/resurfacing of ol’ ED… And am tired of it running/running my life. Stumbled upon your blog at the perfect time ๐Ÿ™‚ I plan on starting my own here soon for the same reasons & to help others! You rock & thanks again! ๐Ÿ™‚

    • thehomeostaticmindset October 3, 2012 at 10:32 pm #

      Wow- thank you so much for your sweet comment! ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m thrilled that you’ve been able to come so far in recovery and finally make it to your healthy weight…It’s definitely not easy. A huge accomplishment! I understand the additional struggles though- it certainly comes with a whole new set of challenges! You’re clearly very strong though to have made it this far in recovery, so I know you can do it! It’s fantastic that you’re starting your own blog- I will definitely be a reader! ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. leanarellim October 4, 2012 at 5:41 pm #

    Yes! You are so very welcome! ๐Ÿ™‚ Blogs like yours actually are much more helpful then typical ED recovery sites that just give you pointers & such. Itโ€™s motivating and helps to relate in reading from someone who has experienced & is experiencing the same. And youโ€™re a very good writer/have a sense of humor that I reminds me of myself! ๐Ÿ™‚ I look forward to continuously reading your blog and Iโ€™ll tag the link to mine when it gets started up ๐Ÿ™‚ p.s. I also like http://www.balancenotscale.com/ โ€ฆI feel that together we could inspire people to be diet free and just use plain olโ€™ intuition! The relationship with ED robbed me of so much of my other relationshipsโ€ฆ including the one with myself, so Iโ€™m doing the same thing with learning how to be spontaneous again! Anyways, I could go on forever so Iโ€™ll end this โ€œp.s.โ€ haha. Thanks for responding

    • thehomeostaticmindset October 5, 2012 at 7:19 pm #

      Aww, thank you so much! I find blogs way more helpful than websites too ๐Ÿ™‚ It would be awesome to do some collaborative work with you, Chelsie and myself! You’ll get that relationship back with yourself in no time- I’m positive! ๐Ÿ™‚ Just keep on doing what the true ‘you’ wants and not what ED wants. Keep in touch xo

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