You know the feeling…You can be sitting on your couch, trekking along in your recovery, just watching a movie, or reading a book, when BANG! ED suddenly get all-kinds-of excited…And why does it get excited, you ask? Because ‘it’ realized, yet again, that being skinny would be the greatest thing in the world. You experience a moment of exhilaration at the possibility- all the good things that come along with being thin. Your mind moves at a mile a minute, giddy at the thought. But then… WHAAAA? The true YOU becomes cognizant of these thoughts and dials down that unruly ED. ED lives for the thrill that comes along with restriction. It’s FUN for ED. It’s a euphoria, really. ED LOVES to hurt us. It takes pleasure in it.
The true you must jump in and join the conversation. Put ED in it’s place. Here’s how I like to start:
1) This is a ridiculous thought- and you know it. There is not an ounce of excitement to be found in eating disorders. ZERO.
2) NOTHING, let me repeat, NOTHING good came from being thin. You were physically sick, isolated, anxious/depressed… Not to mention that you scared your family half to death. You had no happiness in your life. No joy. No spark. Everyday was a calculated, rigid, fearful HELL.
3) It won’t be different this time. No matter how much ED tries to tell you that this time you can do it without the anxiety, you’ll do it better, differently- you won’t. Improving on your ED ‘skills’ equals death. Actually, a second time around will likely be MUCH worse. You know what it’s like to be healthier and happier for one. Plus, you may still be dealing with some of the physical ramifications of your ED. A second round will only exacerbate these symptoms, while simultaneously creating a host of new health problems.
4) You, and I mean the true YOU, has absolutely NO desire to go back there. You know what it was like. You don’t need a refresher course. You love your life how it is now and you know that it will only get better and better. You want a career, a partner, kids. You want to live a happy, fulfilled, healthy life, and you know that doesn’t include your eating disorder.
After going through this list, I’d like to bet that starving yourself no longer sounds very appealing…
Whatever is going on in your life that triggered this outburst from ED- school stress, relationship troubles, financial strain, past traumas/burdens…NONE of these things will change ONE IOTA by starving yourself. You’ll be sick, and they’ll be just as they were when you began your self-destruction.
So please, do yourself a favour. The next ED starts jumping up and down yelling, “LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME,” put it in it’s place. It does not belong in your life.
Much love and health,